It had been quite peaceful in the Authoress’ realm…literally, this time. The Authoress had been gone for over two weeks, instead of the usual one, and the G-boys were using this valuable time to work on a little something of their own. Heero sat on the floor, laptop in lap, as the others occasionally added in tidbits and their own opinions. As if that wasn’t frightening enough, Duo and Wufei were sharing a grin at a co-inspired new idea, working side-by-side.

Duo: Ya know, Wu-man…take away the katana, and you’re a pretty reasonable guy

Wufei: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!?

Well,…almost. (But then again, I only distort reality; I don’t do miracles.)

It was about this time that the Authoress FINALLY came out of the void, new cardboard box in hand. She still wore her Holidays outfit; only her face was almost as red as her dress. Her eyes glared at the empty space in front of her as she wordlessly stomped over to her chair and sat down, barely acknowledging the boys’ presence.

This was, of course, completely new to the G-boys, but luckily they knew just what to do—ignore her. Continuing on their newest “mission” (and I’m not talking game-boys and shameless co-anime plugs here), Heero gave little more than a grunt.

Heero: <to Authoress> Well, look who’s back; we were beginning to hope…er…wonder that something had happened to you.

Surprisingly, the Perfect Soldier received little more than an Authoress Death Glare in response. Knowing very well how, he simply glared back.

Me: Look, Mr. Wannabe-assassin; I’ve had a rough two weeks and don’t need your monotonous snide remarks.

Duo: <leans against a non-existent wall, munching on a chocolate bar> Whoa, calm down girl…what’s eating you?

Me: For starters, my dad’s been toying with the computers again, and cut off my Internet connection for the past two weeks…

Wufie: <snorts> Justice is served.

Me: <glares at him, then continues> And not to mention…wait a second; what am I doing? Why bother explain my bad mood when I can just take it out on you guys? <grins>

G-boys: <all back away veeeery slowly>

Me: Uh-uh; don’t even try. You know you’re stuck here until I let you go. ‘Sides, I’ve been inspired again, and this time even have props!

Trowa: …props?

~*~

Me: <has “innocent” look on her face>

Heero: <doesn’t believe it for a second>

Me: I was gonna do Trowa’s song next…but I got stuck on that one, and this came to me in a vision I had while Mr. Weeble was rambling on and on about kami-knows-what…

Duo: Who?

Me: Some dumb student-teacher we’ve been stuck with in Global Studies for about three months now. <shudders> Moving on—Chibi-Chibi! Chibi-Quatre! Start the Music!

**cue music**

Chriiist-mas, Chriiist-mas tiiime is neeeear…

Me: <facefaults> I’m so glad you’re into the holiday spirit, but THAT’S THE WRONG SONG!

Chibi-Quatre: <over intercom, with bells jingling in the background> Sorry!

**cue RIGHT music**

<Quatre takes one of his props—a fiddle—and starts playing>

Mission Man, Mission Man

Secretly shadows Relena-chan

All But Heero: *coughstalkscough*

Does she know?

(Somewhere in background): Heeeeeeroooooooooo!

Betcha so

Mission Man

Is he a human, or from outta this worl’?

Duo: I’d go with the latter.

At the end of the story,

Does he get the girl

After taking Wing-ZERO for quite a whirl?

Some hope so….

GW Yaoi Fans: <appear> NOT US! PEACECRAFT-SAMA IS EEEEVIL, I TELL YOU, EEEEEVIL! <all are suddenly sucked into a black hole, which mysteriously vanishes afterwards>

Me: <blows smoke from the barrel of her gun, before giving it back to Gene Starwind> Did I mention I’m an Outlaw Star fan, too?

Mission Man

Me: Prop Number One!

Trowa: <sighs, then picks up Zeque’s old battle mask, puts in on, grabs a sword, and walks out to the spotlight.>

<Trowa and Heero swordfight for the entire next verse>

Eagle-mask man, Eagle-mask man

Eagle-mask man hates Mission Man

They constantly fight

Someone’s yet to win

Eagle-mask man

<Quatre’s mini violin solo; Duo come out with an accordion and plays along, turning it into a duet>

Me: Okay, Wuffie, you’re up!

Wufei: <just stands there> No! I refuse to listen to an onna any longer. This is an injustice! You’re not even any older than me, and I want my damn sword right now and…<continues ranting>

Katana man, Katana man

Biggest Pig of the Universe-man

Has still yet to learn to respect women,

Katana man

Wufei: <glares> I hate you.

Me: <smirks> good, now behave.

Wufei: Whatever, can we get back to Yuy now?

Me: ‘kay…now where were we….

Blows up his Gundam straight after the fight

Heero: <finds a self-detonation switch in prop box, then holds it up> Mission accepted…<pushes the button; nothing happens>

Me: Nice try, suicide boy.

Thinks what he’s doing is surely right

If it weren’t for Trowa, ‘wouldn’t have lasted the night

Trowa: You know, a simple “thank you” would have been nice.

Stubborn man, Mission Man

Duo: <reads next verse> aww…do I have to?

Me: Yes.

Duo Man, Duo Man

Chased by Heero, like heck he ran

Heero: DUO NO BAKA! <chases after him with gun he found in prop box>

Duo: Eep! <runs like heck>

Annoys the hell outta him when he can

Duo Man

Heero: <corners him, points the gun> Omae o korosu

Duo: <cowering>

Heero: <pulls the trigger…water squirts out>

Duo: Hey! Watch the hair!

Heero: what the…?

Me: <munching popcorn off to the side> Oh, come on…you don’t think I’m stupid enough to give you a REAL gun, do you?

Is he suicidal or just insane?

Duo: both

Will he ever get his own *real* name?

Trowa: <from somewhere off-screen> hey!

Me: whoops! Sowee, Tro-chan

Does he ever feel real pain?

Non-human, Mission Man

Me: Trowa, get back out here!

Trowa: <grumbling, walks back out in the mask>

Eagle-mask man, Eagle-mask man

Tries to keep him from Relena-chan

But last time they fought

Heero kicked his can

Trowa: <throws sword down> Oh, no—I *refuse* to let him to *that*! <walks away>

Mission Man

<Quatre plays the violin, with the Authoress on the accordion this time>

**music ends**

Duo: <squeezes water out of his hair> Do you have any idea how long it takes for this to DRY?

Wufei: <frantically searching the prop box for a bomb…gun…firecracker…anything!>

Heero: <wordlessly goes back over to his laptop, and continues typing>

Me: <stares at Heero typing away for almost a full minute, curiously> I would ask…but something tells me I don’t wanna know.

Heero: <continues typing>

Me: Okaay…Anyhow, <turns back to the others> I *finally* got my dad to stop toying with the cable wires, so I’ll see you all next week!

Wufei: <muffled from somewhere in the box> Take your time!

Me: <sweatdrops, then gets up and walks back into the void>

Duo: <munches on chocolate, stares after her, wondering what’s in the void>

________________________________________________________

What exactly *is* Heero up to?  Will Wufei ever get his revenge?  Why am I asking you; isn’t this supposed to be my story?

Yeah, I know…this definitely wasn’t as good as the others have been, but I guarantee you this is *not* as easy as you think.

Oh, and one more thing: I did the best I could to keep this as Relena-neutral as possible.  I’m VERY pro-Relena, but I want non-Relena fans to enjoy my fics as well (or at least these).

There were minor RP+HY hints in here, only because I couldn’t help it, and I hope yaoi fans ignore that and concentrate on the HUMOR, okay? (BTW; the whole “torching yaoi

supporters” thing is only aimed at the few yaoi-supporters who spend entire reviews ranting on and on about WHY Relena and Heero shouldn’t go together, or why Duo and Heero

should.  I don’t hate yaoi in general—au contraire, I’m a major yaoi/yuri fan in CCS, but something about it in Gundam Wing just doesn’t seem right to me.  I’m sorry if you disagree.)

Originally, this chapter was supposed to be Trowa’s turn with the song “FROGGY”, but that kinda bombed, so I did Heero’s instead. So right now, I’m stuck.

Suggestions for what the final song (Trowa) should be are more than welcome—if I use your idea, I’ll be sure to give you credit!

Until then, Ja Ne!